Dear Mr Lawson


Dear Mr Lawson,

We (The Company) are writing to inform you of the termination of your contract with immediate effect. Please remove all personal belongings from your allocated workarea and vacate the premises, surrendering both your security pass and benefits card as you leave. If you have failed to comply by 11:30 a member of the security team will be dispatched to assist you.

Don’t even think about spitting in the coffee machine.

During this period of transition we (The Company) ask that you (The Former Employee) refrain from conversing, or otherwise communicating, with any of the remaining workforce – not even Steve. Do not take this as an opportunity to loot the stationary cupboard. Don’t even think about spitting in the coffee machine.

Both your contributed pension and private healthcare plan have been rendered void – as such please take extra care whilst leaving the building. It would terrible if you (The Former Employee) were to tumble on the stairs and break both your arms.

The Company would also like to take this opportunity to thank you (The Former Employee) for all your hard work and contributions to the team over the years and it is with great regret that this difficult decision has been reached. Ultimately though this is all your fault – you brought this upon yourself. I gave you every opportunity Rob, things didn’t have to end this way. Why couldn’t you just love me back?

Naturally we (The Company) will be more than happy to provide glowing references for you (The Former Employee) to any future employers. Please direct all such requests through the HR department.

Yours sincerely,

The Company.

Title image courtesy ilamont

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Published in: on June 2, 2010 at 7:51 PM  Comments (1)  
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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Dark, in its own way, yet it made me smile.


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