The Man I Want To Be – Part 2


This is the second part of a six part serial, you can read the first part here.

The Man I Want To Be – Part 2

Suggested listening: Unkle – Unreal

That had been the worst occasion, worst that I knew of any way, but at least from that point on I knew that he existed. Knew that he had to be kept at bay. After that I reinforced the bars, so to speak. I stopped drinking, started going to church again. Thought happy thoughts. That seemed to do the trick, he couldn’t get out after that. Couldn’t get out, but could still rattle his cage, trying to lure me into setting him free once more. Driving home from the store was his usual time for trying his tricks, having waited till I was sufficiently tired, worn down from the day at work and the stream of crawling traffic ahead of me.

“Hey, hey Jamie” he would whisper from the rear view mirror. “What you going to do when you get home tonight Jamie?”

“Nothing – just have dinner and then relax” I’d sigh, trying my best to ignore him.

“You know what you should do? You should let me out. We’d have a right old time the pair of us, come on what do you say? It’ll be a laugh.”

“No, just be quiet.”

“Hey why don’t you swing past The Old Crown on your way home, pick up a stick a crack! Then we can kick back, fire up some hardcore smut and chillax.”

The lights had gone green again, I put my foot down only to have to slam the brakes back on seconds later. I hated my commute, especially during the dark, featureless evenings of winter.

“Come on what do you say? What are you going to do instead Jamie? Eat beans on toast and play Counter Strike again I bet. Sounds incredible Jamie.”

“I am not” I lied. “I thought I might read some more of my book.”

“Your book! Ha that’s hilarious, you’ve not even finished the first chapter yet. Is it too difficult? Are there too many big words? You know something Jamie you’re really pathetic. We could be out doing so many incredible things and all you ever do is hide away in that dingy, little rented house and do the same thing every night. Why don’t you live a little?”

“Shut up Hector.”

“Let me out.”

“Go away.”

Our argument was interrupted by a white van lurching out from a junction to the right, almost ripping off the front of my car. The lardy driver blared his horn then wheeled down his window to give me the finger once he was in front.

“Right let’s get him Jamie” ordered Hector No Holds. “Follow him till we’re on a quieter road then accelerate right into the back of him. Then he’ll stop and we’ll get out and he’ll be all like ‘hey what do you think you’re doing’ but we’ll be all ‘eat shit and die you fat mother fucker’ as we take out his knee caps with the tyre wrench.”

The frustrating thing was that I was as pissed off as Hector, I did want to run that wanker off the road or at the very least hurl some verbal abuse at him but I couldn’t allow myself to be angry. If I gave in even a little bit then Hector could take over and then he really would run the white van off the road. So instead I just took a deep breath and tried to block out the barrage of bitter outrage till I reached the safety of home.

“Then we’ll lift up the bonnet, stick him under and drop that bad boy down. Crrrunch! Then we’ll get some engine oil, I don’t know where we’ll get it from but we’ll work that bit out, and we’ll pour that shit down his mouth and in his nostrils. And then, then if he’s still breathing we’ll start reversing over different bits of his body. Realllly slowly.”

As usual there was no parking on Chessington Avenue so I had to drive three more streets until I managed to find a space. And that was when we saw her.

Part 3 is available here.

Title image courtesy ace_0f_magic

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Published in: on July 20, 2010 at 7:55 PM  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. What a perfect hook, and so subtle but intense … that was when *he* saw her.

    • That was actually a slight mistake I’d missed Cathryn – I’ve updated the last sentence. Both “he” and “we” work well actually but “we” will make more sense in Part 3.

  2. I’ll reserve further comment until part 3. Except to say I think I have a little Hector in me when I’m on my commute, too. Commuting to/from work just plain sucks.

    • Ha ha – guess where I came up with most of this story Stephen? Yup on my boring commute.

  3. Hmm, now how different are Hector and Jamie? You illustrated the contrast well, but now there’s a nagging bit of doubt in my mind.


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